"Round two. Fuck-marry-kill between Kai, Verax and Mason?"

Lucius: Really?

Alice: Why those three in particular?

The criteria called for two edgy dark-haired boys and a fae enby.

Shun: Those are strangely specific criteria.

Liam: I d-don't even know half these people...

Just answer the question, okay?

Lucius: Okay, first off I'm killing Verax. Don't even have to think about that one.

Lucius: After that, though... hm. This is tough. I'm pretty sure the other two would just kill me if given the chance.

Can you blame them?

Lucius: Fair. I... I guess I'd fuck Mason? He's pretty hot. Plus Kai and I have pretty much buried the hatchet, and I'm fairly sure they don't actively hate me, so I reckon we could make a loveless marriage work.

Wow. You have remarkably low standards.

Lucius: Story of my life.

Alice: Well, I have to say that I'd marry Kai.

Lucius: Not necessarily. You can just admit you're all about getting your bo-

Alice: As for the others, I would sleep with Mason and kill Verax. I think that seems reasonable.

Lucius: Huh. Looks like we actually agree on something after all.

Alice: As much as I hate to admit it, I cannot criticise your taste. Especially when there is so much else I could be criticising.

Lucius: Why thank y- hey!

Shun: Kill Verax. As much as I am personally opposed to capital punishment, I imagine our ideals might... conflict.

Tara: That's putting it mildly.

Shun: Then... I suppose I would marry Mason and sleep with Kai? I don't know, I can't honestly give an accurate answer about people I'm not familiar with.

What about you two?

Tara: Nope. No way. I'm reading off a different cue card to you lot, if you get my drift.

Dani: That Verax guy is cute though...

Liam: Uh, do I really have to k-kill someone?

Yes. Well, no, not really, but for the sake of the game you have to.

Liam: O-okay... I, er, I guess I'd sleep with Kai? I mean, it'd be super awkward because they're my b-brother's ex, but at least it'd just be a o-one time thing, right?

Liam: And then, um... kill Verax and m-marry Mason? I don't know either of them, but this Verax guy s-sounds like kind of a jerk, so... yeah. Erm, not that I'd kill anyone just for b-being a jerk, but, uh... can you turn the c-camera off now, please?

Lissa: Okay, I only know like, one of these people. I've got nothing to go on here. Can I get some pics, at least?

Here.

Lissa: Cheers. Hrm... oh man, this Verax guy is cut. I'm fucking him.

Lucius: You do know he's a serial killer, right?

Lissa: -shrugs- Eh, we've all got our quirks.

Lucius: ...That is not even a remotely appropriate response.

Lissa: I'd marry Kai, because they seem like a pretty decent person and I reckon I can talk them into cutting loose a little. Guess that means I'm killing this Mason guy. Sorry, dude.

Alice: We need to talk about your taste in men.

Lissa: Oh, like you're any better. You dated Lucius!

Alice: ...Point.

Final answers:

And now it's time for yet another game of Fuck, Marry, Kill! Round Four!

A Honchkrow, Mightyena, and two humans are here before the former two change into humans as well.

Hajime, not sure who any of the other people are, just... gives an awkward wave.

Maggie sighs.

Maggie: "Wish I wasn't doing this with him, but oh well."

Sholto: "So... Fuck, Marry, Kill? What is this?"

Kaisei: "Uh, game where you get three people and you have to do that with each of them."

Sholto: "Oh, cool. Who are our people?"

Maggie: "We'll find out who they are soon, I think."

Hajime: "Alright..."

Your choices are... Tagg, Umbra, and Forte!

Pics of each of the three of them pop up. Maggie stares at Tagg's pic.

Maggie: "...Well, this'll be awkward."

Kaisei: "Guess I got my answer for one already..."

Sholto: "Why them?"

Kaisei: "Too young for either of the others."

Sholto: "That's fair."

Maggie: "Honestly, I think I'll do this on the grounds that it would be somehow less awkward than the other two and I'm pretty sure he'd kill me first."

Hajime: "Honestly, only really know Tagg too well, so..."

Hajime: "Sorry to that other guy, but if it was a night, blue hair's more my type."

Maggie: "Well, I guess continuing on a similar note and the avoiding too much awkwardness train..."

Kaisei: "Mm... Well, both Tagg and Umbra are hot, but not sure if I'd be as up with commitment for Tagg, so..."

Sholto has been thinking for a bit.

Sholto: "Okay, think I got it."

Hajime: "Huh, we had the same one..."

Sholto: "Tagg's probably the one I trust best of the three and Umbra could just be a ghost if I killed him."

Kaisei: "That doesn't explain Fuck for Forte."

Sholto: "Eh, they don't look too bad, but that was the one left over."

Kaisei: "Fair, I guess."

Would you fuck, marry or kill the following people: Ever, Verax, Forte?

-Joe and Munn both recoil in disgust-

Both: Forte?

Joe: They're an infant!

Munn: A child!

Joe: I don't even care if they're old enough now! I raised them with my own two hands!

Munn: But we don't wanna kill them, do we?

-Joe shrugs-

Joe: Someone's gotta.

Munn: Fuck, I guess it'd be...Ever?

Joe: Ever? Really?

-Munn shrugs-

Munn: They're cute.

-Joe tilts his head-

Joe: Munn T. Noname, if I didn't know better I'd think you were developing a type.

Munn: Supernatural twinks with weird hair?

Joe: Could be worse.

Munn: How about you? Who would you fuck?

Joe: Verax.

Munn: Verax?

Joe: Verax.

Munn: Explain.

-Joe leans his head back, as though internally debating what is and isn't appropriate to say-

Joe: I want to hold onto his biceps while he does curls and let him lift me up and down.

Munn: Awfully specific fantasy.

-Joe gives a delighted cackle-

Joe: Honey, that wasn't specific. Do you want me to get specific?

Munn: Yes. No. Later.

...

Munn: I guess I'd marry Verax. We're pretty on the same page, I think.

Joe: I'd marry Ever. They're like me with a Xanax prescription, and I find that charming in a person.

Munn: That's fair.

Fuck-Marry-Kill:  Skybound edition

Blitz:  Okay, first off those are very personal questions, and secondly that's an incredibly limited set of options!

Tori:  Yeeeup, that's kind of the point.  So, Jason, Lane and Maria, which ones?

Blitz  I don't know how I let you talk me into this stupid game -_-

Tori:  Because I still have some pictures of you as a girl from Truth or Dare just waiting to be uploaded to an e-mail.  >=3

Blitz:  Fiiiine,  'Fuck' Maria.  There, happy?

Tori:  That was decisive.

Blitz:  She's the only girl on the list!  Did you forget I'm straight?

Tori:  Hello, you can turn into a girl on a whim, that'd make any of these pairings straight if you wanted.

Blitz: .....

Tori:  >=3

Blitz:  Okay...  Technically true, but I think I'd still rather not think of guys that way.

Tori:  Gotcha.... 

You'd rather be a lesbian.

Blitz:  -Buries his face in his hands-  Please, stop, talking

Tori:  Not until you finish the round!

Blitz:  Ugh.....

Tori:  Come on, it's just hypotheticals anyway.

Blitz  Alright...  Marry and Kill...

Actually, let me redo that.  'Marry' Maria, 'Fuck'...  Jason, I guess, 'kill' Lane.

Tori:   Oy, you have something against my boyfriend?

Blitz:  Yes, the fact his girlfriend is making fun of me.  Now hurry up and take your turn so I can go think about anything else

Tori:  Okay...  'Fuck', Maria, 'Marry' Lane, Kill Jason.  See?  Easy.

Blitz:  ...Huh, after the thing with Duke I was sure you'd fuck Jason.

Tori: Yeah...  Well, Jason has that creepy metal arm, and it'd be kinda hard to marry Lane if I killed his sister.

Blitz:  Mmmh.  Fair enough.

-Beat-

Blitz:  ....So, looking forward to a Heiden threesome then?

-Tori punches Blitz in the arm, hard-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final Results

Blitz:

• F - Jason
  M - Maria
  K- Lane

Tori:

• F - Maria
  M - Lane
  K- Jason

It's time for a Superhero Double-Feature!

-Kai spins around dramatically in a swivel chair, legs crossed, casually holding a microphone and using their best announcer voice.-

Kai: Today, we have a very special selection of individuals for our game of Fuck-Marry-Kill. We have six names, and everyone here must pick two per category. Our choices are: Shingeko, Gaia, the first Auric Avenger, the fourth Auric Avenger, Jackal, and Rogue. Secret identities will not be revealed for the sake of the game, and only those who already know them can take them into account.

Diane: You know you're only saying that because you're the only one here who knows all of them personally.

-Kai grins.-

Kai: I'm saying it because it's gonna be goddamn hilarious. Shall we begin?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Echo: As the resident supervillain, I think it's only fitting that I go first.

Kai: Nice.

Echo: Now, the first Avenger, Gaia, and Shingeko were active while I was opposed to the J-Team. Logically, this means I have to kill two of them, and I'm afraid I'd have to choose the Avenger and Gaia.

-Kai winces.-

Kai: Okay, that struck a chord.

Echo: All's fair in love, war, and steamy one-night stands, Kai. Shingeko, meanwhile, is excellent husband material, and I would be delighted to have an emotional character arc in which we gradually grow from enemies to friends to lovers.

Skye: Aha, so the redemption arc you're already having. Got it.

Echo: If that is what you'd like to believe.

Scarlette: So, the other three? One marry, two fucks.

Echo: It only makes sense that I would want to marry Rogue, a fellow villain-turned-hero with a troubled past, and fuck both of the remaining Lucario-themed heroes at the same time.

-Kai bursts out laughing, very nearly falling out of their chair.-

Rose: Isn't Jackal, like, barely Lucario-themed?

Echo: His name is Jackal. He has a Lucario color scheme. The point is, I want to feel those rippling muscles. Is that so much to ask?

Rose: How in the hell do you keep a poker face saying that

-Echo gives no response beyond a small smile.-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paula: Let's keep the supervillains-first theme and let me go next, yeah?

Rose: Dammit, didn't we kick you out after last round?

Echo: I let her back in because she is a vital part of this game.

Paula: Thank you, Echo.

Diane: Traitor.

Echo: Betrayals are my speciality.

Paula: Anyway, before we get our knives out again, I've got a game to play. First off, fuck Avenger 1, because I think it's funny. Second, fuck Avenger 4, because that's even funnier.

Scarlette: I'm sorry, Paula, we have a strict one-joke limit. I'm afraid you have to pay a fine.

-Paula stuffs a ₽5000 note down Scarlette's shirt, winks, and gets back to her spiel as Scarlette rolls her eyes.-

Paula: Now, this is the part where things get tricky, because all of them are fantastic spouse material. However, Jackal's at the top of the list, by far, and unfortunately for frogboy, Shingeko's at the bottom. Where it gets ''tricky'' is, do I want to marry Gaia to solidify my status among the leadership of the Aurabolts, or do I want to marry Rogue for their mysterious charm and undoubtedly devilish good looks beneath the mask?

Rose: ...Well, which one is it?

Paula: Give me a moment! I'm thinking. Rogue is very much my type, but... I'm afraid sacrifices must be made for power. Marry Gaia, kill Rogue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scarlette: Goddamn, you two have awful taste. I'm gonna fuck Rogue and Gaia. That's a promise, not a hypothetical.

-Kai snorts in laughter.-

Scarlette: Don't laugh! They're objectively the hottest!

Paula: Oh, no, don't get me wrong, if I had the option to pick three, I'd definitely be riding Rogue's d--

Skye: A-hem, you already had your turn, Paula.

Paula: What a fuckin' killjoy.

Scarlette: Anyway, I'd marry Shingeko and the first Avenger, and kill V4 and Jackal. I feel a connection to V1.

Kai: Waitwaitwait, do-- do you know the original Avenger's identity?

Scarlette: Not a clue, why?

-That sends Kai over the edge. Referring to their chair, of course; they double over and collapse onto the ground in laughter.-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scarlette: Okay, you know what? You're next.

Kai: Fine, fine! I had my answers ready this time around. Kill both of the Avengers, marry Shingeko and Jackal, and fuck Gaia and Rogue.

Scarlette: ...Damn. Reasons?

Kai: Okay, so, Gaia's identity is... somewhat public knowledge, as is V1's. Since you came around just a couple years ago, it makes sense that you don't know it, but most of the rest of us are familiar, so they know my history with them.

-Scarlette blinks, and digs out her phone to start Googling.-

Kai: Likewise, I'm one of Shingeko's secret-keepers; their identity is significantly less public, but we're close friends. Now, as for V4, they haven't shown themself enough to really get a reputation, right? So it'd be the least impactful if I killed them -- except I'd probably loophole it as "kill the identity", leaving the person underneath to return to casual civilian life, because that's the least awkward.

Rose: Oh, fuck, we can do that?

Kai: We can because I said so.

Rose: Cool, that makes things easier.

Vierr: Coward. Kill V4 just as much as you kill V1.

-Kai just grins.-

Kai: Anyway, the remaining two are Jackal and Rogue. Jackal's got major husband vibes, and Rogue is extremely attractive, so marry and fuck respectively.

Diane: Hey, Kai, unrelated question. Specifically, clone question, yes or no?

Kai: ...Uhhh, no, obviously.

-Diane smirks, whispering something into Alyssa's ear. Alyssa stifles a giggle.-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kai: Hey, now, since you're laughing at me, that means you're the one who has to answer next.

Alyssa: Wait, me?

Kai: Yeah. And Diane's next after you. That's how it works.

Diane: Hey, now, you don't make the rules.

Kai: And yet!

Alyssa: Okay, okay, whew, let's see... I'm gonna marry Jackal and Gaia,  kill the old Avenger and Shingeko, I guess, and fuck Rogue and the new Avenger I guess?

Rose: ...It looked like it physically pained you to say "fuck".

Alyssa: I felt left out! Everyone else is saying it and I just feel weird even saying "sleep with"!

-Rose snorts.-

Alyssa: Don't laugh.

Rose: Sorry. Uh, next?

Diane: As per Word Of Kai, that'd be me. And I dunno about you, but Rogue and Jackal are definitely at the top of my fuck list.

Kai: Nice.

Diane: I'm marrying Gaia and Shingeko. Shingeko's the only one I don't actually know, but I do know that he's, like, the ultimate husband.

Mason: Case in point, half the party has put him under "marry" already.

Diane: Yeah, there's a reason for that! Anyway, that leaves both Avengers in the kill spot.

Kai: Ayyy, Avenger-killing buds.

-Diane winks.-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skye: Okay, so, here's the problem.

Rose: Hm?

Skye: Obviously, my immediate first fuck choice is Gaia. I'm the biggest lesbian here.

Scarlette: (not looking up from her phone) There's two of us here and you're like half my height.

Skye: I have an absurdly high concentration of gay within my tiny body. It's a wonder I haven't become a singularity yet. Anyway, obviously the other option would be one of the nonbinary heroes, right? But I know who's behind the masks for Rogue and the new Avenger, and there's no way in hell I'm even going to entertain that thought. Just, no. They're going on the kill list.

Paula: That does make their identities a bit more obvious, y'know.

Skye: Shush, this is noncanon, nobody's going to remember this conversation in the thread. The best you'll get is a sequel to Animosity. Anyway, that means I need to choose from the other three, who are all guys. Which sucks. But I can't back out, so I'm gonna have to sacrifice the need for the aforementioned Ultimate Husband, leaving me with the first Avenger and Jackal to marry, in order to have Shingeko be the only worthy fuck choice.

Kai: Hey, Skye, do you play Touhou?

Skye: ...No?

Kai: You could've fooled me, with how many bullets you just dodged.

-Diane snort-laughs.-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paula: Down to the final three!

Rose: Mason, get that weird dreamy look out of your face and answer the darn question.

Mason: Hey, shush, let me daydream about Shingeko in peace. Needless to say, I want that Ultimate Husband as much as y'all do.

-Kai stifles yet another laugh.-

Mason: Hey, now. I'm killing Rogue. Wait, no, better yet, selling Rogue out to the police. That'll show 'em.

Kai: Wow, harsh. So much vitriol. I thought they'd be the other marriage choice.

Mason: They almost were, but too bad. My other marriage is with the fourth Avenger instead.

-Kai, Diane, and Skye share an amused glance between the three of them.-

Mason: Anyway, Gaia gets the other kill spot, because what's actually important is that I'm gonna fuck Jackal and the first Avenger.

Kai: Do you know the Avenger's identity?

Mason: I figured I'd just hear once Scarlette gets done with her Googling.

Scarlette: Relax, I'm trying to find a reliable source! I keep ending up with weird outdated speculation sites.

Kai: I am so looking forward to when you figure it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vierr: Gotta admit, I've gotta agree with you on your marriage choices. Definitely putting Shingeko and the new Avenger down for marrying. But the others? I don't think I've ever disagreed less.

Mason: Are yours really just mine in reverse order?

Vierr: In a better order. Because I'm right. Rogue and Gaia are absolute fuck material, and I'm never gonna turn down the chance to kill the old Avenger. Jackal's cooler, but I've still got to kill him as well.

Rose: Goddamn, I wish I had your confidence. Honestly, I've gotta marry Rogue, they seem pretty sweet under that edgy shell.

-Kai attempts to hide the faintest blush that starts to grow on their cheeks.-

Rose: And Jackal, too. He's hot, but I think Gaia and Shingeko are the hotter options, so they're the ones I'm fucking.

Kai: Poor Avengers, left to die.

Rose: Yeah, no, I came around just in time to find out who the old one was, and the new one probably isn't much better.

Kai: You know what? That's fair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose: Speaking of, Scarlette, find anything out?

Scarlette: It keeps turning up with the same thing!

Kai: Probably because that's the correct thing. ^_^

Scarlette: ...No. No fucking way. There's no way in hell that the first Avenger was Lucius Fucking Cain.

-Mason chokes on his drink, and Kai immediately falls into hysterics.-

Final results!

FMK Round 12: Three For Three

Sub-Round 1: FMK (+Wildcard), Classical Elements

Pentigan: ...

Susan: ...

Shift: <Excuse me but what the fuck?>

Pent: I dunno, I don't choose these!

Your choices are: Fire, Water, Earth, Air. One of the four may be in any category.

Shift: <Weird shit but okay.>

Susan: Gonna need a moment to think.

Pent: I guess I'll go first. Uh... Marry Air cause it's vital, kill... Earth maybe?

Shift: <The human in the room kills the Earth. Typical>

Pent: Oi, this is meant to be an upbeat thing. Uh... Marry Water because it's pretty vital too.

Susan: And risk it all by fucking fire.

Pent: Listen, I don't get how something this abstract works.

Susan: Well alright. I'm fucking that smooth, smooth water, marrying fire and earth and killing air.

Shift: <Reasoning?>

Susan: Water's super smooth and pleasant and has some horny correlations. Fire is warm and passionate but you shouldn't put yourself inside it, Earth is dependable and solid but Air is a flighty asshole that loves playing tricks.

Shift: <Alright well this is gonna make me sound kinda like a human-hating asshole but I'm killing Fire because it's the only one of the four that is intrinsically tied into humanity. Gonna marry Earth because unlike Pent I can treat a girl right and fucking Water and Air cause they're both amorphous and I'm kinda into that.

================================================

Sub-Round 2: FMK Revenge Of The Dragon War

Susan: What does that even mean?

Pent: Not sure...

Your choices are: Dragons, Weremons, Humans

Pent: Oh.

Susan: Oh okay, I can do this. Fuck weremons because while Latias isn't one she is close enough to count. Then... Wait actually I want to... Hey are Latii dragons?

Shift: <Does it matter?>

Pent: I think they do?

Susan: Okay marry dragons because Latias fits that too so I can both fuck and marry her and then unfortunately kill humans. Which hey, doesn't cause problems for my relationship.

Pent: Okay well I'm gonna fuck dragons.

Shift: <No. Surprise. There.>

Susan: Yep! You are totally a dragonfucker.

Pent: And I'm owning up to it. Marrying humans because hey and killing weremons- Wait no... Uh... Frick scratch that reverse it I guess...

Susan: Something wrong?

Shift: He's dating two separate weremons.

Susan: Big oof.

Shift: <Easy one for me. Fuck weremons for that shifter solidarity, marry humans because I can exploit a relationship with all of humanity so hard and kill dragons because what have dragons ever done for the world? Nothin', that's what.

================================================

Sub-Round 3: FMK (+Wildcard) Aurabolts

Pent lets out a bit of a squeak.

Susan: Oh this is gonna be good.

Shift: <Sure, bring it>

Your choices are: Jackal, Gaia, Rogue, Nightingale. One of the four may be in any category.

Pent: Okay so what's the continuity on uh... Knowing things?

Susan: I think we're in the same nontinuity as the smut so I know who one of those Aurabolts is for real and that might still be canon-canon.

Shift: <And I know that same one in actual canon.>

Pent: Okay! Uh... I need some time to think on this. Who's going first?

Shift: <Alright well here goes nothing. Kill Nightingale right off the bat.>

Pent: Savage...

Shift: <Fuck Jackal. He seems fun. Marry the other two, whatever.>

Susan: Alright cool my go. Fucking Gaia because she is just mmmm~! Costume like that she's probably got strong strap game. Also fucking Jackal... Yeah sure Nightingale for marry which unfortunately means Rogue goes down.

Pent: Which brings it down to me. I have thought on this and for purely professional reasons I am murdering Gaia and Jackal.

Shift: <Wiping out the entire leadership of the Aurabolts in one fell swoop.>

Susan: Leaving a power vacuum, devious.

Pent: And I'm marrying Rogue. There. Done.

Susan: Ahem.

Pent: Hm?

Shift: <Did you just put Nightingale in the Fuck spot? Wait no now that I think about it you're totally thirsty for your idealized 'absolutely beautiful and perfect and sexy' superhero OC...>

Pent: Can you not..?

Shift: <It's the truth ain't it? What we're three layers deep on FMK and you're ashamed on the idea that you're in love with your alt self?>

Pent: ... Whatever, we're done and I'm leaving.

Susan: You didn't have to say it like that Shift...

Final Results