Umbra's ORAS Demo Liveblog!

-the curtains pull open to reveal Groudon and Kyogre-

Groudon: Greetings, puny humans!

Kyogre: Today we tell you the story of a Stalker With A Crush...

Groudon: And his unfortunate victim, Steven Stone.

Kyogre: Our story begins... With our very own author!

-cut to me in the ORAS protagonist's clothes-

Me: Wooo!

Kyogre: And he is flying on a Latias with Steven Stone!

-I am suddenly doing so-

Me: ...

-to Steven- Hello, sexy~

Steven: Er... Look, there's our destination!

-We land in Mossdeep City-

Steven: Anyway, got a message from a professor I know that needs some help. Some thugs have been trying to steal his research. So we've got to go to the space center right now!

Me: Yes! We'll beat up those thugs together~

Steven: ...

...Let's just go.

Groudon: Our heroes quickly made their way to the Mossdeep space center. But something wasn't right!

Steven: OK, we're here. Now we-

-suddenly, two Magma grunts appear-

Magma Grunt 1: Suprise, motherfuckers!

Magma Grunt A: No one expects the Magma Inquisition!

Steven: That Monty Python reference was terrible. >:|

Me: I'll protect you, Stevie!

Magma Grunt A: Hey! I had dibs on the stunning male specimen!

Steven: Let's just fight. >_<

Me: AWW YEAH LET'S DO THI-

-realizes I have no Pokemon-

Er, Stevie? Little help, honey?

Steven: One, do not call me Stevie or honey. Two, have this Marshtomp.

Me: My favorite! You do care!

Steven: -groans-

-I send out the Marshtomp. One of the grunts sends out a Poochyena-

Marshtomp: <Ooh, puppy!>

Me: Waterfall!

Marshtomp: <Aww, I don't wanna hurt the puppy...>

-KOs the Poochyena in one hit-

Magma Grunt 1: O_O

Magma Grunt A: Gah! It's too late! We already found the island with the Mega Evolving Pokemon!

-they flee-

Steven: Island?

-a scientist appears-

Scientist: Oh! Steven! Thank you for rescuing me!

Me: I helped!

Steven: Er, yes, you did.

Scientist: Thank you both, then! But the grunts have already taken our Mega Evolution research! They even know the location of a certain Mega Evolving Pokemon!

Me: We've got to stop them, Stevie!

Steven: Leave it to me. Er... Us. But I've got some prep to do so why don't you explore Mossdeep, Umbra?

Me: Sure thing, cutie!

-runs off-

Kyogre: And so our protagonist  explored Mossdeep City. Highlights included:

-Tate and Liza are in front of the gym-

Tate: Oh no oh no what are we gonna do about the body?

Liza: OK, don't panic, we just gotta keep people out of the gy-

Me: Hi you two! What are you talking about?

Both: Er, nothing!

Me: Ooh, I bet you guys renovated the gy-

Both: AAAH DON'T GO IN

Me: ...OK. ._.

-flees-

---

Woman: This is a special wishing rock!

Me: -looks at the rock-

Rock: I'm just a rock, dumbass.

Me: o_O

---
Groudon: Finally, our protagonist reunites with Steven!

Me: I'm baaaack~

Steven: Gah! How did you find me?!

Me: Oh, I'll always be there for you~

Steven: ...Let's just find the Pokemon.

Kyogre: And so, our heroes flew by Latias to a mysterious island!

Steven: OK, we're here. Let's look for Teams Magma and Aqua.

-I step into the tall grass and find a Slakoth. Marshtomp finishes it off with Waterfall.-

-then, two Magma Grunts-

Magma Grunt A: Gah! Team Aqua beat us here!

Magma Grunt 1: Well, they are more stylish...

-notice me-

Gah! Intruder!

-sends out a Zubat. Marshtomp Rock Slides it to death-

-the other Grunt's Numel fares similarly-

Grunt 1: Gah! Stupid Team Aqua!

Me: I'm not Team Aqua. :|

Grunt 1: Eh?

Me: I'm here to protect that Pokemon!

Grunt 1: So like that girl?

Me: Girl?

-heads inside a cave to find a girl facing two Team Aqua grunts.-

Girl: Your fashion sense is terrible!

Aqua Grunt A: -sobs-

Aqua Grunt 1: Bah! You don't phase Team Aqua! And I totally rock my uniform! See my midriff?

Girl: -notices me- Ack! Umbra! Why are you here?!

Me: To save the Pokemon! :D

Girl: ...Just don't get in the way.

-The nearest Grunt sends out a Poochyena-

Marshtomp: <Puppy!>

-Waterfall-hugs it, KOing it-

Marshtomp: <I feel funny...>

-starts glowing and evolves into Swampert-

Me and Swampert: Yay~

-the other grunt sends out a Carvanah, which bites Swampert-

Swampert: <Yeeeouch!>

-Mud Bombs it, KOing it-

Girl: ...Well, you took care of those grunts. But the bosses are ahead!

Me: Leave it to me!

-I head forward and find a muscular dude and a tubby dude arguing-

Tabitha the tubby dude: You there! Oversized brute! Clear the path!

Matt the muscular dude: You got a screw loose or something? Look at you, little Mahkuita man!

Tabitha: WHAAT? You compare me, Tabitha, the next chief Admin of Team Magma, to a Mahkuita?!

-At this point Swampert and I are sharing popcorn-

Matt: You're a funny dude! I love funny dudes! That's why I love my bro Archie! What say you and I have a battle?

Tabitha: You terrify me, brute. But very we-

Me: NOT SO FAST

-both of them stare at me-

Tabitha: ...You know what? Let's beat up this guy instead.

Matt: Good idea, bro!

-suddenly, Steven drops in from the ceiling-

Steven: AHA! Knew you creeps would be here!

Me: Stevie! You saved me!

Steven: -winces- Yes. Yes I did.

-hands me a Mega Bracelet and a Swampertite-

Use these so we don't get creamed.

Me: Jewelry! Now I know you love me!

Steven: >_<;

-we challenge Tabitha and Matt to a battle!-

-they send out Camerupt and Sharpedo; I send out Swampert; Steven sends out a Shiny Metagross-

Me: MEGA SHINKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-I Mega Evolve Swampert-

Swampert: <Swampert SMASH!>

-Waterfalls Camerupt into submission-

-Steven also Mega Evolves his Metagross, which obliterates Sharpedo-

Tabitha: Gah! How could I lose to a stalker and some silver-haired pretty boy?

Matt: That was AWESOME, bros!

Tabitha: We will meet again!

-they flee-

Me: We did it Stevie! We beat the thugs! And your Metagross was awesome!

Steven: If I give you my Metagross will you leave me alone?

Me: Maaaabye~

Steven: -sighs- Anyway, the Pokemon is up ahead.

Kyogre: And so the two head deeper into the cave and find a lone patch of grass.

Steven: It's probably in there.

-hands me some Pokeballs-

You should probably try and catch it.

Me: Ooh! I hope it's a Steelix!

-I enter the tall grass to find... A Glalie!-

Glalie: You thought it would be a Steelix but it was me, Glalie!

Me: :(

Glalie: ZA WARUDO

-headbutts Swampert-

Swampert: <Hey! We're trying to be friends!>

-Waterfalls-

Galie: WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

-Ice Fangs Swampert-

Me: -tosses a Pokeball-

-wobble... Wobble... Click!-

Me: YES!

-Nicknames the Glalie Dio-

Steven: Alright, let's go back.

Mossdeep City

Steven: Stevie, that adventure was wonderful! Now we can go on all sorts of adventures together!

Steven: -twitches- For Arceus' sake I already have a boyfriend!

Me: H-Huh?

-Steven's arm stretches to an absurd length and pulls in Wallace in his Emerald clothes-

Wallace: Shall we go?

Steven: Yes please.

Wallace: Great! I have something to show you!

-they leave-

-I sob as Swampert pats me and Dio looks on in disdain-

-The scene cuts back to Groudon and Kyogre-

Kyogre: Thus concludes our tale!

Groudon: Next time: Steven discovers-

-A scream is heard offstage-

Kyogre: ...Looks like that one is happening now.

Groudon: Let's go see!

-they exit as the curtains close-