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--V.S.
WAAPT@tropi.us Legacy → WAAPT: In-Universe → The (Non-canon) Adventures of Shieldmaiden and the Auric Avenger
-Shieldmaiden stops beside Fulgrim, tilting her head-
Shieldmaiden: <... How very strange.>
-she shifts to human form and slaps the oval on her chest to retract her cape and extend her claws, brings Snarling Beast around to guard herself from any nasty surprises, and throws the door to the booth open-
-Inside the phone booth, there is... nothing, save for a small pile of multicoloured feathers and a note attached to the receiver. Fulgrim frowns.-
Fulgrim: <...Hrm. The scent definitely ends here. That pungent stink of cologne and guano isn't one I could lose.>
Shieldmaiden: ...
-she punches the side of the phone booth-
Shieldmaiden: I hate when the bad guys have tele porters!
-she snatches the note off the receiver-
-The note reads as follows:-
To whoever has found themselves in possession of this note,
If you are reading this, that means you actually possess a modicum of intelligence, unlike the esteemed police officers of our local community. Wonderful. I do enjoy a good challenge every now and again. Theft is simply no fun without the thrill of the hunt. Hence why I've decided to be a sport and give you a head start. Pick up the phone in front of you and dial the Fibonacci sequence. I'll be willing to answer three of your questions. Yes or no only, of course. Wouldn't want to make things too easy for you. Until we meet again.
Shieldmaiden: ... Oh, this guy is a jerk. FIDO! We need to brainstorm. The dude disappeared, but apparently he'll answer three yes or no questions. What do I ask?
-The Auric Avenger's exasperated tone starts coming through Shieldmaiden's helmet.-
The Auric Avenger: Seriously? Do we really have to play this asshole's game? Hmm... well, we should probably start off by asking him if he's based in Phenac. If we get a "yes", then that makes our search a lot easier. As for the other two... I have no idea. We can't get any useful information from a yes or no question, and we've got no guarantee that he's telling the truth anyway. He just wants a chance to taunt us, I bet.
Shieldmaiden: Okay, so ask whether he's based in Phenac... um, ask if there's a pattern behind his hits, maybe? And... um... I dunno.
-The Auric Avenger sighs.-
The Auric Avenger: ...Well, it's not as if we've got anything to lose.
Shieldmaiden: Well, yeah, but we might as well see what we can get out the guy. What should I ask for the third question?
The Auric Avenger: ...Ask him whether he plans on robbing Realgam Tower at any point?
Shieldmaiden: Works for me!
-she dials as instructed-
-A snide voice with either a very heavy Kalosian accent or a very poor imitation of one answers the phone.-
???: Ah, bonsoir, mon amie. It would appear that after months of searching, I finally have a partner with whom I can engage in a duel of wits and skill throughout the sands. Might I have the pleasure of knowing the name of my challenger?
-Shieldmaiden makes a face-
Shieldmaiden: Great Arceus, you're even more annoying than your note made you sound. You can call me Shieldmaiden. Let's just get right to it, birdbrain. First question: are you based in Phenac City?
???: How very rude. Have you no patience for the pleasantries, my dear maiden of the shield? The rituals of civilisation that separate us from common beasts? Still, I promised you an answer to your ever-so-insolent question, and an answer I shall provide. No, a thief of my calibre would simply debase himself by choosing to languish in such a backwater.
-Shieldmaiden takes a deep breath, silently reminding herself that destroying the phone would only deprive her of answers-
Shieldmiaden: All right, then. Second question: is there a pattern behind your burglaries?
???: Oh, but of course! Had you not already divined that simple fact through your own tentative investigation into my work? Perhaps I set my standards a little lower than I should've...
-one more slow, deep breath-
Shieldmaiden: Third question. Are you planning on robbing Realgam Tower at some point?
???: Now you're asking the interesting questions, ma cherie. I am indeed planning such a heist. The exact details such as the time and date, however, I will leave up to your imagination. Had you more questions, you could prise such details from me just as an archaeologist would prise gemstones from the eyes of an ancient statue... but alas, you lack such resources. Since it pains me to see a beautiful flower such as yourself wither and die in the darkness of ignorance, however, I will provide you with one further detail - my moniker. You may refer to me as the Red Falcon. With that, I bid thee farewell, Shieldmaiden.
-The line goes dead.-
The Auric Avenger: ...Man, what a tool.
Shieldmaiden: ... Nope. Birdbrain it is. So we should set up some sort of watch on the tower, right?
The Auric Avenger: That would be the sensible thing to do, at least until we figure out when and where he's going to go next. Meet you there?
Shieldmaiden: Sounds like a plan. See you in a bit.
-she hangs up the phone and heads for Realgam Tower-
-By the time Shieldmaiden arrives at Realgam Tower, the Auric Avenger and Fulgrim are already there, the former hanging upside down from one of the suspension arches holding the tower up.-
The Auric Avenger: What kept you?
-Shieldmaiden blinks-
Shieldmaiden: ... Is there a reason you're acting like a bigger idiot than normal?
The Auric Avenger: What are you talking about? I do this kind of stuff all the-
-The grappling hook holding him to the suspension beam gives out and he crashes to the ground in a crumpled heap.-
The Auric Avenger: ...I meant to do that...
Fulgrim: <Every time I believe that I have charted the full extent of humanity's idiocy, they find new and interesting ways to disappoint me.>
-Shieldmaiden goes over to stand above him, looking down with an eyebrow raised and her hands on her hips-
Shieldmaiden: You are gonna have so many image problems if people catch you being a dork, fruitcake.
WAAPT@tropi.us Legacy → WAAPT: In-Universe → The (Non-canon) Adventures of Shieldmaiden and the Auric Avenger
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