1

Topic: Random Oneshots From Every's Life

How Every Met Diesel

The year was [Arceus only knows]. The day was [even more confusing; don't bother with this please]. The time was [you know what? We're just going to say it was early in the morning]. The place, fortunately, was a little easier to quantify. It was Sinnoh Route 201, connecting Twinleaf and Sandgem. It's a well-traveled route, and many a Sinn trainer proceeds down it at one point or another. Or, in this case, an Unovan trainer who happened to be taking their journey in Sinnoh...

-a much younger Every Memito, only ten years old, walked along the path, exceptionally excited. Even the fact that the day was unusually cold (Sinn winters were just unfair. It never got like this back in Nimbasa...) was only enough to slightly dampen his mood. It was finally time for him to get a starter! Oh, he was so excited...-

Every: -seeing Twinleaf Town in the distance- Finally! ^_^ Hmm...I wonder what starter I'll get...On one hand, a Chimchar would be really nice to help with all the cold...-shivers- but Piplup looks so cute!

Rowan's Lab

Turtwig: -sad-

Route 201

Every: On the third hand, a Chimchar would be better so that I can catch Ghosts...but Piplup can Surf! Argh, what to do...

-it was at this point that Every became aware of a small growl. Not from a wild Pokemon, oddly, but from his stomach-

Every: ...Um. Guess getting a starter can wait. ^_^;;

-Every sat down, and pulled some Torchic out of his backpack- Mmm... -it may not have been the most healthy meal, but it was pretty good-

???: Krick!

Every: ...Huh?

-a small red shape darted out of the bushes, crashing into Every and knocking him over- Krick!

Every: Hey!

Krick! -the shape then pounced on the Torchic, picking it up and hopping off-

Every: That's my lunch! Get back here!

-And so Every gave chase to the obviously-a-Kricketot. Astonishingly, Every's several-foot-long legs were enough to overtake the Kricketot's several-inch ones- Ha! Gotcha!

-Every dove at the Kricketot. It jumped away, but caught on one of Every's hands and tripped, dropping the Torchic and falling to the ground- Kriiiick!

Every: -getting to his feet- Yeah, krick to you too. That was my lunch you stole!

-the Kricketot chirped angrily, placing itself between Every and the Torchic leg-

Every: ...

Kricketot: Krick. >:|

-Every wasn't entirely sure what to do now. He didn't want to try tackling the Kricketot again. That seemed to hurt him a lot more, and it wouldn't get the Torchic back...-

-the Kricketot, however, was much less confused. It was hungry, and the Torchic smelled quite good. It went over to nom-

Every: Hey! Stop!

-Every then gets an idea of what to do. He did have several Pokeballs in his bag. How did you work these things again...?-

Somewhere In Viridian City

Old Man: Ha. >:|

Route 201

-after a surprisingly short period of button-mashing, Every has figured out the Pokeball. He throws it at the Kricketot-

Kricketot: -is occupied by the nomming of Torchic leg, and is hit in the head- Krick!

-and sucked into the Pokeball-

-wobble-

-wobble-

-wobble-

-ding!-

-victory music!-

Every: Yay! I got a....um...-flips through his guidebook- Kricketot! yikes -sends it out-

Kricketot: Krick?

Every: I caught you! ...Do I have to name you now?

Kricketot: Kriiick...

Every: Um...well, you're a conductor...and conductors also conduct trains...and diesel is a kind of train! I'll call you Diesel!

-the newly named Diesel blinks, clearly a bit startled at his new Trainer's choice in names-

Every: I'm Every! Come on, Diesel! We're going to Professor Rowan's lab to get a starter!

Diesel: Krick?

-so apparently this Every was a new trainer? And he was off to get a starter....-

Every: Diesel?

Diesel: Krick. -places himself in Every's way again. Clearly the boy had no idea what a starter actually was. Besides, if they were going to be a team, Every would need appropriately musical Pokemon. Diesel had no interest in hanging out with somemon who couldn't carry a tune.-

Every: Are we going to go get a starter?

Diesel: Krick! -shakes head emphatically, then waves a feeler at himself-

Every: -despite not understanding Monese, Diesel's meaning is fairly clear- ...You want to be my starter?

Diesel: -sighs. Whether he wanted to be or not, it's not like he had all that much choice in the matter- Krick!

Every: -smiles happily- Okay! -picks up the Kricketot- Let's go to Sandgem then! It's on the way to Oreburgh, and we can pick up some supplies! ^_^

-Diesel wasn't terribly sure if Every would make a good trainer. He didn't pay attention to his surroundings, and he clearly wasn't very up-to-date on his type chart. But he seemed nice enough, and Diesel supposed that this would be pretty fun.-

Krick! -Diesel hopped from Every's arms to his head, dramatically pointing the way towards Sandgem- Kricketot!

-and so the journey began-

2

Re: Random Oneshots From Every's Life

Dragons Made of Clouds

A year or so before the Gold Conference, Route 210...

-A Staraptor♂ and Altaria♀ are perched by a nest, watching over a clutch of several blue-and-white eggs, all of which are vibrating-

Albireo the Altaria: <I can feel it! They're going to hatch!>

Warclaw the Staraptor: -doesn't respond; too busy watching the clutch with anticipation-

-several of the eggs begin to crack-

Albireo: <Oh! Warclaw!>

-Albireo begins to hum to the eggs, which start to shake more quickly-

Eggs: -completely fail to explode in shiny lights, rather cracking open to reveal several tiny, soaking-wet, and very confused Swablu-

Albireo: <They're adorable!>

Warclaw: <They are...>

-Albireo pauses for a moment, gently pushing a Swablu away from the edge of the nest-

Baby Swablu#1: -chirps sadly and flaps her bedraggled wings, joining her nestmates-

One week after the Swablu clutch hatched...

-the baby Swablu have, of course, dried off. At the moment, they're mostly running/hopping around their nest and nearby branches, Albireo and Warclaw having forbidden any further travel-

Albireo: <What do you think of them, Warclaw?>

Warclaw: <They're wonderful...everything I imagined and more.>

Albireo: <Hmm...do you have any ideas for na->

-the two are interrupted by one of the babies bumping into Albireo's cotton. The baby Swablu♀ continues to attempt forward motion, but fails due to being less than a twentieth the size of Albireo-

Baby Swablu#1: -chirp- <Not fair!> -continues pushing into Albireo's cotton-

Warclaw: <...>

Albireo: <Other way, dear...> -picks up the baby in her beak, turning her around-

Baby Swablu#1: -hops off the instant she's set down, as though she had always been headed in that direction-

Warclaw: <...That one worries me a little.>

Albireo: <Nonsense. She's only a hatchling.>

Warclaw: <Even still...no sense of direction at all.>

Albireo: <I'm sure she'll be fine, dear.>

Five months after the Swablu clutch hatched...

-the Swablu have grown. Their tail and head feathers have lengthened, and their cotton has for the most part grown in. The size disparities between different hatchlings have become more apparent, with some of the Swablu almost one and a half times the size of others-

-While many of the hatchlings are still tethered to the ground, the two largest of the clutch have begun the basics of flight; long hops between distant branches. Today, those two are out practicing-

Swablu♂ : (to his sister) <Hey! I bet I can get to that branch there before you!>

Swablu♀ <Ha, no way!> -flaps her wings, hopping back to get a running start-

-the two Swablu, thoroughly caught up in their contest, are unaware of one of their nestmates watching them. Though far smaller than either, and with barely functional wings, she's quite interested in the activities of her siblings-

Young Swablu#1: <Hey! I wanna try!>

-as the other two Swablu charge off, hopping and flapping, the Young Swablu follows, imitating their movements- <Wait up!>

-the two larger Swablu hop across a deceptively large gap, where they stop-

Swablu♂ : <Ha! I totally won!>

Swablu♀: <Nuh-uh! I won!>

-the two turn around...and notice the Young Swablu following them-

Young Swablu#1 -chirp- <Hi! I followed you!>

Swablu♀: <Sis, wai->

-the Young Swablu leaps up, wings flailing madly in an attempt to reach the next branch-

-naturally, she fails, falling past the branches-

Swablu♀: <...>

Swablu♂: <...>

Swablu♀: <Mom's gonna kill us!>

Swablu♂: <And then Dad's gonna kill us again!>

-the two Swablu squeak in fright and cling to each other, now resembling a blue Cottonee-

Meanwhile, on the ground...

-the Young Swablu lands on the ground, her cotton shielding her from any serious injury- <...Huh? Where am I?> -chirp-

???: <Hmm? Hello there...>

Young Swablu: -fluffs up defensively- <Who's there?>

???: <Nomon to worry about...for long, anyway.>

-the Young Swablu lets out a startled chirp as a long blade emerges from behind a tree. The blade is followed by its natural extension, a hungry-looking Scyther-

Young Swablu: -hops back, chirping loudly-

Scyther: <Now, now...no need for that.>

-the Scyther raises a claw, and lunges at the Swablu-

Young Swablu: <Eeep!>

???: Hey, a Scyther! Awesome!

Scyther: -stops midlunge, looking around curiously- <Hrm...?>

???: Stormclaw, get it!

-as the Young Swablu watches, a Salamence♂ charges forward into the area, ramming the Scyther and sending it flying into a tree-

Scyther: Scy.... -totters, crumpling to the ground-

???: Yeah! Totally caught it!

-a Pokeball strikes the Scyther, sucking it in. Several minutes later, the Trainer and Salamence have left, leaving the Young Swablu staring in awe at the vacated space-

Albireo: <Hey! What do you think you're doing?>

-the Altaria flies down, landing near the Young Swablu- <You shouldn't be out of the nest, dear. What happened?>

Young Swablu: <I fell out of the tree! And then a big spiky thing tried to eat me and then a bigger spiky dragon thing smacked it in the head and saved me!>

Albireo: <...You're very lucky that Salamence showed up when it did. The Scyther could've eaten you otherwise.>

Young Swablu: <Eep!>

Albireo: -preens her daughter's head, picking the Young Swablu up and flying her back to the nest-

Young Swablu: Salamence....what a cool Pokemon!

During the Gold Conference, a year after the clutch hatched...

-the Young Swablu, not so young anymore, is hopping around a tree. Her wings having fully grown by now, she can hop easily from branch to branch, even making short flights under good conditions-

Young Swablu: <Where is everyone...I want someone to play with!>

-the Young Swablu chirps in annoyance as yet another tree fails to reveal any other birds to play with- <This is statistically improbable...>

-as the Young Swablu continues her quest for playmates, she notices an unusual sight- <Ooh, a Kricketune~>

-she hops closer, to get a better look. Below her, along with the Kricketune, are a Chimecho, Bronzor, and human- <That bell looks friendly~>

-the Young Swablu hops once again, swooping down to a much lower branch, now barely a foot above the group's head- <Play with me!>

-and the group doesn't respond-

Trainer: Can't be long now...

Chimecho♂: <Maybe you're jinxing it!>

Young Swablu: <Huh?>

Trainer: ...That's it! Breeze, you're a genius! (loudly) Oh. I guess there are no Swablu around.

Young Swablu: <...Huh? I'm here!>

Trainer: We may as well just head back now.

Young Swablu: <Hey. Don't ignore me!>

-as the Trainer and his team starts to leave, the Young Swablu sucks in a deep breath...-

<CHIRP!>

Wild Swablu appeared!


3

Re: Random Oneshots From Every's Life

Posted here because TEH DARK. That said, it's entirely canon.

No, you don't get a title.

The gathered Pokémon eyed each other, no small level of trepidation among them. Eleven of them, and no trainer. What’s more, among their number was an Umbreon, and not one known for her politeness.

“So, do we just wait around until we die of old age? Because what with the ghosts and all, that might take a while, and I’ve got things to do.”

This outburst came from the Umbreon in question, breaking the silence. Before anyone could respond, however, a small red-and-black shape dropped from above, landing in the center of the group.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I gathered you here today,” said the shape, standing to reveal itself as a Weavile. “All your questions will soon be answered, so don’t fret.”

The Umbreon twitched her tail irritably. “I have a question, Jab. How soon can we leave?”

Jab’s crest folded back as he eyed the Umbreon. “Soon. But first, if you’ll all open your mouths, I’ll show you something you have in common.”

Most of the mons obliged. One, a Jellicent, did not, as his mouth was essentially a slight infolding of his bell. The other, the Umbreon, was simply contrarian.

“Mouth open, Gattaca.” Jab ruffled his crest exasperatedly, and the Umbreon rolled her eyes, opening her mouth.

“Yes, my friends,” Jab continued, swinging his hands wide and nearly striking the Flygon perched behind him, “Teeth.”

“Mandibles,” the Flygon corrected.

“Quiet, Marmalade.”

“I’ve got a beak,” a Murkrow chimed in.

“And you, Merle.”

“I could make teeth out of ice or something, maybe…” a Froslass volunteered.

“For the love of Articuno, Nitro, I was trying to make a point. All of you are predators!”

A pause, silence. Then a Leafeon raised his paw. Jab stared at the fox, his eyes narrowing, widening, and then settling.

“…What is it, Mix?”

“I photosynthesize.”

Jab pointed a paw away from the group. The Leafeon gratefully scampered in the direction it led. Jab eyed the group, as if daring anyone else to speak, and then continued.

“In lieu of our shared status, I propose…”

While the pause had clearly been for dramatic effect, the Jellicent took the moment to blow a few bubbles, and an Absol sitting removed from the rest of the group curled up, head in paws. Jab hissed in annoyance.

“Drift!” The Jellicent snapped to attention. “Solace!” The Absol did not. “I’m proposing a hunting contest. There, I said it. No respect for theater, I tell you…”

“It’s not a lack of respect for theater. It’s a lack of respect for you.”

“Quiet, Solace.” Jab turned away from the Absol to face the other Pokémon gathered around him. “Yes, my friends, a hunting contest. Whoever goes out tonight and returns with the biggest prey wins!”

A Salamence made a noise. Jab turned to him. “Spathi?”

“I…don’t really hunt. I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.”

“I very much do mind!”

But Spathi had already flown off. Jab flopped onto his back, hands raised to the sky. “Anyone else care to Torchic out?”

A Doublade shifted. “I only hunt on alternate Tuesdays.”

“Today is Tuesday, Letter.”

“But it’s not an alternate Tuesday. I can’t just flout the rules, Jab.”

And the Doublade was off. Jab sighed. “…Anyone else?”

A look around the group revealed all the members staying more or less put.

“…Wait, really? You’re all up for it? Solace? Gattaca?”

Solace shrugged. “What the hell? It sounds alright.”

Gattaca, meanwhile, responded with her usual enthusiasm and verve. “I get to kill things and nobody will complain.”

“Great, excellent.” Jab whirled around, now facing a Grovyle. “And you, Pleth? You’re new, so I guess we can cut you some slack.”

The Grovyle blinked. “No, no, this sounds pretty fun.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jab pumped a fist, and then produced a whistle from his pocket. “Ready, set, split!”

And the mons disappeared out into the region.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A Meowstic scampered through Petalburg Forest. She’d largely been silent during the meeting, and as a matter of fact, gentle reader, you’re unlikely to get any information from her now either, so for the sake of simplicity, she’s Ephemera.

Ephemera, though not a soul besides her could have guessed it, was hot on the trail of a Taillow.

The Taillow in question, however, was on the other end of the forest. While this admittedly made for a very stealthy method of tracking, it provided certain obstacles to the kill. Fortunately, Ephemera wasn’t only capable of telepathy.

On the other end of the forest, that very same Taillow was very surprised to find a Poocheyena perched in the tree next to her. And even more surprised when, as she took off to escape, a Skarmory swooped out of nowhere in hot pursuit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Far away, in the ocean, an invisible hunter prowled. Or, at least, he would have been invisible—and prowling– if a trail of ice hadn’t been drifting through the water behind him.

“Frillish!”

“It’s not my fault, Drift!”

“LISH!”

“Fine, I’ll go catch something on my own.”

Nitro curved away from the Jellicent, drifting deeper into the water, while Drift continued onwards, now entirely hidden from sight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the ash-coated Jagged Path above Lavaridge town, a Mankey was enjoying himself in the relaxed pastime of pounding a tree into pulp.

“Salut, mon ami.”

The voice from behind him prompted the monkey-pig to spin, fists at the ready to make mincemeat of whomever had interrupted his fun. But his rage seemed aimless, as all he could see was the dark forest around him…and small circles softly glowing in the gloom.

“Hey! Who’s there?”

“C’est moi. L’heure de ta morte est venue, singe.”

Gattaca stepped from the darkness, circles still alight. She bared her teeth as her back legs tensed…

And she was met with a Karate Chop to the face.

“Ow!”

Though she didn’t seem badly hurt, her momentum was broken off, and she took a few steps back. The Mankey snarled. “Maybe I’ll be eating you instead, fox!”

The Mankey lunged again, and Gattaca hopped away, before disappearing into the forest, the Mankey in hot pursuit. Although he was significantly faster, it felt as though every time he came close, she managed to slip just from his reach, darting behind a tree or rock. But finally, he had her cornered, up against the blackness, not a tree to be seen. She leapt outwards, and he sprang after, arms latching around the Umbreon’s torso…

Only to find nothing under his feet. He let out a squeal of fright, and attempted to disentangle himself, but Gattaca whipped her head around, sinking her teeth into the Mankey’s arm. And so there was nothing to do…but fall.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Solace padded silently through the Jagged Pass, rolling her eyes at the scream from nearby. Gattaca didn’t really seem to understand the concept of moderation. Or of lines best left uncrossed. Solace, on the other hand, preferred a subtle touch.

The Spoink up ahead grazed blissfully, completely unaware of anything but its continued rhythm. Solace crept up behind
it…still no reaction. She raised a claw, and then paused.

What the hell. Gotta enjoy the little things.

Solace lowered her claw, bent down to just behind the tiny pig, and whispered “Boo.”

The reaction was both priceless and short.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Taillow, still doing her best to not be eaten by either the Skarmory, the unusually-agile Poocheyena, or in fact the Scizor that had appeared silently from behind a tree, was beginning to wear out. Fortunately for her, her journey was nearly at an end, as unbeknownst to her she’d just finished being herded into the section of the forest occupied by Ephemera. A swoop
from the Skarmory drove the Taillow onto the ground, and she hopped backwards from the advancing Pokémon.

That is, until she collided with the Meowstic.

“Eep!”

The Taillow hopped away, staring at the Meowstic, who only now seemed to become aware of her, turning around to fix her with a curiously blank stare.

“Um…hi?”

Ephemera waved, but gave no further response.

“…Will you help me?”

A shake of the head, and the Pokémon behind the Taillow advanced a bit more.

“Why not?”

Ephemera opened her mouth slightly.

“Oh.”

Ephemera nodded, slightly apologetically, and the Pokémon surrounding the Taillow disintegrated into the dust they were.

“I’ll…just be going now?”

Ephemera shook her head.

The Taillow went anyway.

Ephemera pounced.

As it turned out, she was faster.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Fermes la bouche!”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Grovyle was the queen of the jungle! She leapt through the trees unopposed! She was without peer for speed and agility! She was—

Making a complete fool of herself, and most likely scaring off any prey in the area.

Of course, this wasn’t entirely unintentional. Pleth was looking for something big, and wasn’t particularly interested in anything that would be scared off by a noisy Grovyle. She knew Marill lived in the area, and with any luck it was the right time of day that they’d be off their guard.

And bingo. A Marill dozing next to the water. Pleth slowed her pace to a silent crawl, not wanting to wake the water mouse.
Unlike Jab or Gattaca, she didn’t see any real point in enjoying the hunt. She just liked being able to eat.

She dropped from the tree, and the Marill didn’t wake up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A Magikarp drifted through the seas, content in its lot. It wasn’t very bright, but to be a Magikarp, you don’t really need to be. Its functions were primarily devoted to eating, sleeping, and the creation of additional Magikarp, with very little room left for deep thought or philosophy. The Magikarp didn’t ponder the purpose of its existence, or indeed give it any particular thought, or indeed give anything any particular thought.

In fact, it probably didn’t even notice when it was swallowed whole.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“Tu veux que je te morde?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wingull, it has been scientifically proven, are basically free of predation when over the water. True, the odd Sharpedo pops up to catch one, but they can usually see them coming and fly out of the way. As a reasonably understandable consequence, the average Wingull is fairly complacent in daily life.

This Wingull was an exception, being of a singularly paranoid bent. His main fear was that a Lanturn, bored of grazing seaweed off the ocean floor, would electrocute him and eat his body, and as a consequence he constantly kept a lightningrod on hand.

As the flickering blue light rose from the depths, the Wingull knew he’d found his purpose. No more would his friends call him names like “salmon-beak,” or “tuna head.” What were either of those things anyway?

If the Wingull had been a little less excited to be proven right, of course, he might have noticed that the blue light turned the water around it to ice, and that it showed no sign of being drawn to his lightningrod.

But then it connected, and a flash-frozen Wingull dropped onto the water, his lightningrod sinking away to be retrieved by Nitro.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A Swellow landed on a branch outside Lilycove, dropping the Grumpig he had caught for his family to the ground. It had been a long day, and he rightfully felt he was entitled to a little rest before he went home to feed his family. Just a little shuteye, at least.

“Hey there.”

The Swellow opened an eye, letting out a soft churr of exasperation as the Murkrow on the branch above him hopped down in front of him. “What do you want? I’m not giving out handouts; this is for my family.”

Merle cawed. “Don’t worry, friend. I couldn’t carry it anyway. I was looking for something a little smaller.” Another caw. “Lighter.”

“…And?”

“…Featherier.”

The Swellow blinked, waking up a little, and ruffling his feathers. “You couldn’t take me.”

Merle cawed again, this time deliberately allowing the beginnings of a Thunder Wave to trickle across her feathers. For the first time, the Swellow acknowledged his predicament. He thought for a moment of trying to make a break for it, but the Murkrow had positioned herself in between him and the open sky. Clever. He was starting to wish he’d gone straight home.

“Look, can we make this quick? I am hungry.”

The Swellow spread his wings in alarm, and in an instant Merle had a wing pointed at him. “No sudden moves, please. I’m feeling a little twitchy.”

“You’re feeling twitchy, huh? Look, I’ve got a wife and kids at home. I’m sure there’s someone around who won’t be missed. Take them instead!”

Merle let out a derisive squawk, not taking her wing off the Swellow for a moment. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about your family.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The architect of the whole contest, meanwhile, was proving Merle’s pronouncement even as she spoke with the Swellow. Finding the nest among the houses of Fortree had been easy enough, but as he’d gone to extract the babies, he’d run into a snag.

“Excuse me, but what do you think you’re doing?!”

Jab scooted lazily around on the branch he was sitting on to face a fully-grown female Swellow, who looked none-too-pleased at his presence near her chicks.

“I’m eating your family. What does it look like I’m doing?”

The Swellow let out a cry of fury, and dove at Jab, who dropped to the branch below as the Swellow landed in front of her nest, before swinging around to launch himself back up, landing on the nest-branch in the crook of the tree. The Swellow remained by her nest at the end of the branch, wings wide, shrieking. Jab yawned. “You know, in your next life, I’d recommend building your nests on the inside of the branches.”

Before the Swellow could process what he’d said, Jab’s claws flashed steely silver, and the nest-branch separated from the tree. The Swellow dove after it hastily, desperately trying to grab enough of the twigs making up her nest to keep the chicks from falling out. It was only when she’d caught the last of them that she realized she wasn’t watching the Weavile.
She looked up to see the flash of claws, and then she wasn’t watching anything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Like I said, no need to worry about them.”

The Swellow glared at Merle, somewhat haplessly. “You’re a monster.”

“I’m hungry. There’s a difference. You’ve got a Grumpig there, haven’t you?”

“Sure, but I didn’t feel the need to call in a hit on its family!”

“Tamato, Tamayto. Look at it this way, you won’t have to grieve for too long.”

The Swellow snapped, lunging at Merle with the beginnings of a Quick Attack, but ultimately it was hopeless, a Thunder Wave catching him before his talons left their perch. He dropped to the ground below, Merle fluttering down after him. He struggled, and Merle rolled her eyes.

“Sorry about this, buddy, but even private eyes need to eat.”

There was a swift peck, and the world became a little quieter.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Splat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everyone began to gather, eyeing each other’s kills with looks of varying respect (with the exception of Gattaca, who merely seemed faintly bored).

Jab stepped forwards. “Okay, biggest catch wins! Who’s up first?”

Ephemera took a step into the circle, tossing in her Taillow. Nitro scoffed. “Come on, just one little bird?”
Jab pumped a paw. “Do you challenge, then?”

“Sure!” Nitro threw her Wingull onto the Taillow, hiding it entirely. Ephemera pouted, and so did Nitro as Drift disgorged his Magikarp.

Jab frowned. “…Points will be removed for digestion.”

“Frillish.”

Pleth, meanwhile, was watching the growing pile with some trepidation. “I guess my Marill doesn’t hold up so well.” She tossed it in anyway, somewhat halfheartedly, and sat down by Ephemera.

“It certainly doesn’t, dear. Here, this is what a real hunter can do.” Gattaca tugged her Mankey over, nudging it towards the
pile, which it easily counterbalanced. “I think I’ve won this little game.”

“Let’s not be hasty.” Solace dropped the Spoink by the Mankey.

“Oh, do be quiet, Solace.”

“Thankfully, words aren’t necessary when you’ve won.”

“You’ve won? Come on now.” Merle flew in, dropping her Swellow with a huff and flopping to the ground.

“Don’t make me laugh, Merle,” Jab said, rising to his feet in a dramatic fashion. “Sure, sure, you got the Swellow, but I’ve got the same.”

He tossed a Swellow into the pile as well, this one bound by a chain of ice to—

“And you told me to pick up the kids after work.” Jab looked around quickly to see if Salamence was present, but as he wasn’t, he sat back down in a self-satisfied way.

There was a general outcry to the effect that Jab had made no mention of multiple kills being allowed.

“Please, please. At what point did I say they weren’t allowed?”

Pleth hissed in annoyance. “Look, it would have been nice to have been a little clearer about things.”

“I’m a Dark-type. What do you want from me?”

“Speaking of Dark-type, what’s that shadow?”

Nobody was quite sure who’d said it, but all the same it necessitated scattering as the body of a Camerupt slammed down onto the pile, and Marmalade landed in a whoosh of sand and wind. The dragon looked around.

“Heads up.”

The other mons gradually picked themselves up, dusting themselves off. Jab eyed the Camerupt ruefully. “Maybe next time we do this, some proportional scoring ought to be introduced.”

Marmalade grinned.

4

Re: Random Oneshots From Every's Life

Here because there's no good place to put it, and because it's fairly NSFW.

Like, actually. If discussion of sex if offputting to you, don't read this.

Seriously though, would you?

-the Memito Complex, and then some, is gathered around a computer, various looks of shock, confusion, or interest on their faces-

Ever: ...No. No way.

Amanita: I'm with Ever on this one. I mean, like, it would be kind of cool, because I'd want to find out if I'm actually good or not, but I'm not gay, so...

Ever: Wait, really? I didn't even know there were straight descendants of Revy.

Amanita: ...I'm not gay.

All: Yeah, me neither.

Brie: Well I am, and I'm still not into it. Too weird.

-and she lapses into horrified silence-

Every(?): You're all being ridiculous.

-everyone turns around, startled-

Ever: ...When did you get here?

Every(?): Anyway, I'm here, I'm queer, I'd fuck my clone. There, I said it. The only thing holding us back is our own cowardice. Like, think about it. Who'd know what I like better than me? Plus, if my clone's into the same things I am, I could-

Ever: Let's leave that sentence forever unfinished, thanks.

Amanita: ...Hang on. Would the two of you have the same-

Ever: (flatly) No.

Every(?): (at the same time) Probably!

-Ever glares at her. She grins-

Amanita: And I thought my family issues were weird.

Ever: What about you, All? You've been awfully quiet.

All: Wh- I've said more than PEFE!Every!

Ever: ...This is true.

-and the attention of the room turns to her. She gulps-

PEFE!Every: ...No. I don't think I like my body that much.

-there's a brief pause-

-Ever offers her a hug, which she accepts-

Every(?): ...Well, moving on, what's got you so hung up, Ever?

Ever: ...I mean, aside from the fact that I kind of have clones of me running around?

PEFE!Every: That's not how it works.

Ever: It's close enough! It'd be super-weird.

Every(?): I mean, they're not related. They're your clone. Like, literally you. It's like jerking it.

Ever: It certainly is not! It's like fucking someone with your exact genetic makeup, which is not good!

-Every(?) rolls her eyes-

Ever: See, you're lucky. You don't have actual clones of you running around. You can take the moral high ground on this all you want, but until you've had to deal with your girlfriend wanting a threesome between you and your (mostly) identical cousin, you can't talk.

-PEFE!Every hides her head in her hands-

Every(?): Bah.

PEFE!Every: I'm not a clone.

Ever: Seriously though, All, you gotta say something, or you are automatically assigned to the pro-clone-fucking side.

Every(?): Join us!

All: Uh, no. What if my clone is evil?

Every(?) and Ever: What?

Every(?): The quiz says nothing about alignment changes!

Ever: And if it did, you're not one to talk about evil doubles.

All: Oh, come on.

Ever: Hey. You know I'm right.

All: ...I'm just saying, I don't want to risk it.

Ever: Well, if they weren't evil, would you?

All: ...Yeah, I guess? I mean, I'm not gay either, but if you're sure they're not evil-

Every(?): It's a hypothetical scenario! They're clearly not evil!

All: -and they go away right after, I'd be okay with it.

Ever: Oh my fucking Arceus. Why are you this way?

All: When else am I going to get the chance?

-Ever slams his face into the desk-

Ever: (muffled) I hate this.

???: Well, I'm in support of it!

-and a girl in white barges into the room. Everyone stands up-

Ever: Nobody invited you please leave.

Revy: I was implicitly invited by the request for Memitos to answer a question!

Ever: ...Yeah, that scans.

Every(?): Hi!

Revy: Anyway, I'm all for it. You know what? I'd fuck more than one clone of me. I'd make a whole...passel? Passel of clones. That's just how for it I am.

Ever: ...Yeah, that scans.

-Revy dives out the window as Amanita sends out Emperor-

Amanita: ...So I guess now we all know each other's opinions on the matter.

Ever: ...I hereby declare this family unit dissolved. None of you are free of sin.

Brie: Hey, wait, most of us said-

Ever: Guilt by association.