1 (edited by BittersweetNSour 2019-04-22 21:28:36)

Topic: Epic Rap Battles!

So, a while back, I had the idea of creating a thread to just throw RP-related ERBs into, without necessarily needing to explain why in the world they're happening in-universe. So to introduce the thread, here's one from a few years ago that never got to see the light of day, so we're going to show now! So without further ado...

Mossdeep City -- The Delta Episode

-Robin rushes outside after Zinnia, to find her climbing onto her Salamence's back. As they take off, Robin sends out Mayor-

Robin: Mayor! Stop them! We're not letting that nutcase get away after dooming us all!

Mayor: <Hmph... Better take waxing lyrical over brute force this time.>

Mayor used Sing!

-Zinnia's Salamence struggles to stay awake, but drifts off to sleep and crashes into the ground. Zinnia frowns and hops off of the Salamence's back, spinning around to face Robin-

Zinnia: Now, now, that's kind of rude, isn't it? You don't have to force everyone you look at into a battle.

-She grins-

Zinnia: If you're that desperate, though, I can probably free up a little time to fight, but it's gonna be on my terms. In fact, it's not even going to be a Pokemon battle!

Robin: ...Wait, Pokemon battles are standard for this world, and you don't seem like the type for direct human-on-human combat of any sort... What the hell do you mean, crazy woman?

Zinnia: Oh, I'd never resort to something like that. I was thinking something more like what your Altaria was saying when she was talking about "waxing lyrical".

-Unown start swarming the area-

Zinnia: Robin, I hope you're ready, because it's time for…


Robin: ..."Epic rap battles"? What the hell are you trying to pull this time?

Zinnia: It's a thing that happens, just trust me and grab a microphone.

Robin: A micropho-

-Sudden Gino-

Gino: <I got you covered there, Robin, nyan!>

Robin: -yelps and jumps, then blinks-

...Gino? What are you doing here?!

Gino: <You may have ditched Team Umbra over a misunderstanding (which I'm sure will make sense in context when we get around to the rest of the plot, nyan), and you need to figure out what to do about that yourself, nyan... But for this I felt you needed my help!>

Robin: ...

Alright. What do you have?

Gino: -smirks- <Well, first off, a special microphone, nyan...>

Gino gave Robin the Mic Of +1 Genre Savviness!

Robin: ...This looks like a normal microphone to-

-Suddenly his eyes briefly turn glitchy, and when it disappears Robin gives Gino a confident grin-

Thanks for the boost, cat-dragon-bro.

Gino: <Welcome! And I also provided you with Umbra's Zoroark Reynard for nifty special effects!>

Reynard: -is suddenly next to Robin, cracks his knuckles- <Robin, you and me are taking dragon-cultist girl down!>

Gino: <Bad news there is for fairness I also had to provide Zinnia with Lina's Zoroark Zexion for the same purpose, nyan.> >_>

Zexion: -is suddenly next to Zinnia, smirks- <I wouldn't be so quick to assume victory yet, Reynard.>

Reynard: -splutters- <Wait, what? Y-you're going down too, greasy bangs!>

Robin: -smirking- Don't worry,Reynard, we'll wipe the floor with 'em both...

-he looks to Zinnia and twirls his microphone-

...If said dragon-cultist-chick isn't too scared to take us on.

-Zinnia smirks-

Zinnia: Bring it on, hero boy. Let's make this one brief.

Robin Loptyr! Versus! Zinnia!

-Zinnia is immediately backed by a glowing green Delta symbol behind her-

Zinnia: Good luck, pretty boy, I hope you've brought your game
'Cause on this Episode, you'll be Delta lot of pain!
I've heard the word that you're a master tactician
So you better be ready to be beat into submission!

-The symbol fades, and Zinnia shrugs-

'Course, if you wanna flake out and hide behind Jake now,
Go ahead, I don't care which one of you two I take out
But if you stay, then I promise you, you'll meet your match
'Cause I'm the one who's gonna end this Meteor Mash!

-An illusionary meteor crashes and explodes in the background-

Robin: Girl, you're the one who thinks I'm really Torchicin' out?
Cause that dragon cult you hide behind can certainly call you out.

-A horde of vaguely human and vaguely Dragonmon-ish shapes appear around Zinnia and point accusatory fingers at her-

I take the apocalypse head on, ready to punch it in the face!
You just screw around to please a sky snake in a wild Swanna chase!

-A very Jojo-esqe version of Robin appears behind him and punches an asteroid to smithereens; meanwhile a toddler version of Zinnia appears behind her and cries chasing a Rayquaza balloon-

I've fought war, lady, I can bring pain better than you think!
And if you underestimate me you'll be on your ass in a wink!
A master tactician I am, and you better not trust in fate,
Cause if you do I'll be the one saying "checkmate!"

Zinnia: It's not just fate, I'm keeping a promise
With resolve like mine, of course my verses are flawless!

-Two bursts of flame appear around Zinnia-

Like any dragon, I spit hot fire, are you listening?
Sick like a Plegian plague on this useless Ylissean!

-A horde of Risen all rise up and surround Robin-

You really shouldn't doubt me, I know what I'm doing
I've predicted every step, and for this battle I'm a shoo-in
Why should I expect to lose to the likes of you?
Come on, prove that's not the best you can do!

Robin: Promise? Hah, I'm smelling a promise to one,
When you're loyal to yourself no wonder you always run!
I've got a whole team, and a one beyond them at that!
Their powers combined will make your threats fall flat!

-Various J-Teamers and their mons appear around Robin and strike battle poses-

And you think you're one step ahead of me this whole game?
Bitch, now your delusions are really getting lame!
I've got plans of my own, they'll match yours toe-to-toe,
You'll need to strike like an Assassin if you don't want any woe.

-Behind him, Vyvyan as a Rayquaza appears uppercutting Rayquaza Prime in the jaw with Dragon Claw, much like Florence did to Zinnia's Tyrantrum in their first battle.-


-Zinnia frowns-

Zinnia: You think you're one to lecture me about loyalty?
You left your army coming here! Who trusted you near royalty?
At least I'm honoring my family by fulfilling this prophecy!
I'm no Assassin, but my creed still respects their legacy!

-A statue of Reshiram rises from the ground, with Zinnia on its back. A matching one of Zekrom rises up behind Robin, but quickly crumbles to the ground-

You've always got your own ideals, but open your eyes, will ya?
Because the truth is evident, the winner here is Zinnia!
I'm killin' ya! You're fillin' for the villain here today,
Rayquaza's calling for a hero, so I'll just be on my way!


-Robin cringes at the loyalty bit, but then smirks-

Robin: You think I wanted to leave home? That was for Grima to decide!
I still remember my old friends, in spirit they're still right by my side!

-Robin is suddenly surrounded by Sully, Miriel, Sumia, Maribelle, Panne, Cordelia, Tharja, Olivia, Cherche, Say'ri, Flavia, Anna, and Tiki, the latter two leaning in particularly close and clinging to him-

I had ladies, ladies, we all had a bash!
You're just a bitch that belongs in the trash!

-Together the women surrounding him pull out panels that come together to form a shitty MS Paint drawing of Zinnia with the words "this waifu is trash" and other insults written on it-

-Soon after, however, they've shifted to surrounding Robin in a circle joined by Chrom, Lissa, Nowi, Frederick, Virion, Stahl, Vaike, Kellam, Lon'qu, Ricken, Gregor, Libra, Henry, Basilo, Donnel, Gaius, all of what would be their eventual mon forms, and all the J-Teamers and their mons from before, all giving him a thumbs up (or the species equivalent in the case of certain mons)-

But way back home I had plenty of bros as well,
And past them came friends here, though it seems you can't tell!
My bonds old and new are what help me stand tall!
And if you've got none of that...

-The Delta symbol Zinnia summoned earlier appears behind Robin, but shatters into pieces-

-A battered, bruised Rayquaza appears above Zinnia herself, falling rapidly towards her and disintegrating milliseconds before it hits her-

-Robin goes Grimamode-

You're just going to fall.

-Grimamode fades, followed by mic drop.-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

(Thanks to Pippi for the Shitty Zinnia doodle from way back when this was all going on!)


[spoiler]Zinnia:  You and your team are a cosmic anomaly
And probably will cause the world to fall to this calamity
You shouldn't even be here, this should have happened long ago
I've seen it all unfold before, you're ruining the status quo!
So what makes you so special, Mr. Plot-Defying Rebel?
I don't get it! Every level of this pushes us off schedule!
What the hell made this all change? How the hell did it go wrong?
How did you become the hero when you don't even belong?!

[Spectrum was here!]