Topic: Drunk Cards Against Humanity Night with Diane and Skye!

Content warning: due to the subject of this thread being centered around Cards Against Humanity, there is inherently going to be a level of risque humor that does not belong in the main RP. As a result, it is NSFW. Proceed with caution.


PEFE HQ -- Diane's Module

-Diane and Skye are on the tail end of cleaning up their module, in particular a table in the center.-

Skye: We really need to clean things more often.

Diane I know, I know! It's been a busy week so this is a bit more of a mess than usual, but now I have time to breathe. After all that, I'm definitely looking forward to game night tonight.

Skye: Same. Honestly, I'm surprised Florina's not here yet.

Diane Yeah, you'd think, she's always early no matter how dangerously she gets anywhere.

-On cue, someone knocks on the door.-

Skye: Oh, hey, that's probably her. I'll get it.

-She opens the door to find a small, mousy Latina woman in an Aether Employee uniform, holding a brown paper bag.-

Florina -- Aether Representative: Um, hi, sorry I'm late. My boss on the Aether side was bugging me about some grumpy Stufful, and I had to help calm them down first.

Skye: Hey, don't worry, you're still earlier than the other two. Did you see either of them on the way here?

-Florina shakes her head-

Florina: No, sorry. I got a text from Sparkles saying he's on his way, but no word from Gull yet.

Skye: Figures. We got Sparkles's text too, at least.

-She gestures for Florina to come in. Diane finishes clearing off the table, then gets out a Cards Against Humanity deck box and a bunch of various types of alcohol. Florina puts her bag on the table and pulls an orange bottle out.-

Florina: So, I, um, I went and bought this a bit ago. It's this really sweet citrus-y vodka I really wanted to try, so, um, I thought I should bring it to game night?

Diane: Ooooo~ Definitely looking forward to trying it! We've got some others here, and even some Jello shots if you want those.

Florina: Right. Um, excuse me for a bit.

-Florina makes a beeline for the bathroom. As soon as she does, there's another knock on the door.-

Diane: I've got it!

-She opens the door. In walks a roughly 30-odd [German-American] man with messy, wiry hair, glasses, and a PEFE coat.-

Gull -- Psych and Behavior Specialist: Hey.

Diane: Oh, so you did get the memo, good. Florie's in the bathroom, Sparks is the only not here yet.

Skye: Dietrich couldn't make it, he's busy with work in Holon City this week.

Gull: So I'm gonna be the oldest here again, huh? No Deet to make me not feel like an old-timer.

-Diane grins-

Diane: Saying "old-timer" only makes you sound like even more of a geezer, pal. Hope we young'uns aren't too much of a hassle for you.

Gull Psh, as if. I wouldn't be here if I couldn't.

Diane: Good answer. Now we just need to wait for--


-Down from the ceiling drops a roughly 20-year-old black man in a blue tuxedo.-

Diane: There you are, Sparks! The gang's all here, looks like.

Sparkles -- R&D Scientist: Wouldn't miss it for the world!


-After everyone is settled in, they sit down at the table, and start drawing cards.-

Diane: So, I finally got my hands on the rest of the expansions and extra packs, and added some custom ones for us too. Since it's so many, we don't have to do the full black deck, we can just play 'til we're too tired and drunk to keep going.

Florina: Okay, um, I think I'm Card Czar first.

Diane: Right then! So, are we doing "best and worst cards take a shot each" or just the winner of the round?

-Sparkles smirks-

Sparkles: Best and worst. Sounds like the more fun option.

Skye: So we're gonna get drunk twice as fast. Got it.

Gull: Scared you're too lightweight to handle it?

Skye: Scared? I'm fucking looking forward to it.

Diane: Don't worry, she's got me to make sure she doesn't drink herself to death.

Gull: Heh, just making sure.

-He takes a bite out of a sandwich he'd brought. Florina takes the first black card from the deck and reads it.-

Florina: Okay, first round. "White people like," blank.

Gull: Oh boy.

Diane: This one's gonna be fun.

-They ponder over their cards, and put one down each. Once they've all chosen, Florina picks up the pile.-

Florina: Okay, ahem. "White people like, shutting up so I can watch the game."

Gull: Sounds like my dad.

Florina: "White people like, a Christmas stocking full of coleslaw."

Skye: Gross.

Sparkles: That's super white, you gotta admit.

-Florina gets a horrified expression looking at the next one.-

Florina: "White people like seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes?"

Skye: Can someone say "Manifest Destiny"?

Florina: No kidding, ugh. Okay, last one.

-She reads it, and bursts out laughing-

Florina: Oh my god, this one wins. "White people like erotic electrostimulation from a Stunfisk."

-Gull smirks and takes the card, then downs his first shot.-

Gull: Knew it.

Florina: -still laughing- Are you-- are you trying to tell us something, Gull?

-Diane snickers-

Diane: Wow, Gull. Kinky.

Gull: What, no, nothing like that, I'm not that kinky.

Sparkles: Suuuuure, if you say so. Anyway, loser for this round?

Florina: Oh, yeah. That was the "village burned" one. That was horrifying!

Sparkles: Damn, knew I should have gone with my other choice.

-He takes a shot as well.-

Skye: Mine was "shutting up so I can watch the game," so I guess that means the coleslaw was yours, Diane?

Diane: Yeah, that was me. So, Gull, your turn?

Gull: Got it. Let's see...

-He draws a card.-

Gull: "The Stormchaser is powered by," blank.

Sparkles: That's the J-Team ship, right?

Skye: Yeah, it's their airship.

Diane: It seems like it'd be a hell of a gas guzzler if it even ''takes'' gasoline as its fuel, so I made this one as a custom one.

Sparkles: Cool.

-They put down their card choices. Gull takes another bite of his sandwich, and picks the cards up. An irritated expression crosses his face upon seeing the first card.-

Gull: Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me. "The Stormchaser is powered by 50,000 volts straight to the nipples."

-Florina bursts out laughing again. The other three all snicker as well.-

Skye: You're being called out. That's a fucking callout.

Gull: Come on, we all know you're the one who's into the weird kinky shit, not me.

-Skye goes red.-

Skye: Hey! My and Diane's sex life is none of your concern!

Florina: That's not denial!

-Skye rolls her eyes and mutters something inaudible. Diane can't help but crack a grin. Florina just keeps laughing.-

Diane: Let's not get ''too'' invested in something only two of us here have any part in, shall we? Next card?

-Gull smirks, and looks at the next response.-

Gull: "The Stormchaser is powered by throwing a virgin into a volcano." You all in the J-Team don't do blood sacrifices, right?

Diane: Nah, all we do is branding with hot coals.

Gull: Heh.


Gull: ...That's a joke, right?

Diane: Duh! Of course it's a fucking joke. We're a team, not a cult.

Gull: Just making sure! I don't know how the J-Team works!

-He looks at the next one.-

Gull: Anyway, "The Stormchaser is powered by," ahem, "the blood, sweat, and tears of a desparate, sleep-deprived cosplayer the night before a convention."

Skye: With J-Con being so big, that isn't a half bad idea.

Diane: Right?

Florina: If they're so tired, wouldn't that be a really ineffective fuel source?

Sparkles: Hey, it keeps me going. I bet a whole bunch of it could power an airship.

Skye: See, he gets it! He gets it.

-Gull chuckles and looks at the next one.-

Gull: And finally, "The Stormchaser is powered by, The J-Team."

Diane: ...You're not wrong.

Gull: Hate to say, but I think that one's the loser.

Sparkles: Fuck, man, again?

Gull: It's like, anticlimactic. It's too obvious. Not even in a "George Bush is thinking about George Bush" way, either.

Sparkles: Damn. Down goes another, I guess.

-He takes another shot.-

Gull: Winner... fuck, guys, I can't believe I'm saying it, but "50,000 volts" won.

-Florina giggles and takes the card and a shot.-

Florina: It was too perfect, right after the last one.

-Gull rolls his eyes and takes a bite out of his sandwich. Sparkles grins-

Sparkles: All right, next round!

-He draws a black card.-

Sparkles: "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's," blank.

Diane: Maybe it's Stunfisk electro.

Gull: Oh, for fuck's sake.

-Florina bursts out lauging again.-

Diane: I am never gonna let that go.

Sparkles: Never gonna give it up, never gonna let it go, never gonna run around and desert it.

-Diane grins at Sparkles, and they put down their cards. Sparkles picks them up.-

Sparkles: All right, what do we have here... "Maybe she was born with it, maybe it's getting laid like all the time."

-Florina stifles a giggle-

Diane: Hell yeah.

Sparkles: "Maybe she was born with it, maybe it's PEFE Founder Tracer's face."

Skye: ...That sounds like a really bad insult.

Sparkles: "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's going to college and becoming a new person, who has sex."

Gull: Did any of us actually go to college?

-Florina and Sparkles stare at Gull-

Sparkles: Uh, yeah. I did.

Florina: Me too.

Diane: All I had was Bird School, Which Is For Birds. I could probably get into Bird College if I spent a few years back home...

Sparkles: See, Gull, there's a place for you. Head to Treasure Town and go to Bird College.

Gull: Excuse me? The only birds here are Diane and Skye.

Florina: I still think you're secretly five birds in a trenchcoat.

Gull: Oh, come on. You too?

-Florina giggles-

Sparkles: Anyway, our last card is! "Maybe she was born with it, maybe it's how great my ass looks in these jeans."

Skye: Did you mean: Diane?

Diane: Aw, thanks, sweetie.

Sparkles: That one's great and all, but I've gotta say the winner was the "going to college" one.

Skye: Fuckin' score.

Sparkles: "Tracer's face" lost.

-Diane grins-

Diane: Once again, Skye and I do together what you all have only experienced alone.

Sparkles: Rude!

Skye: Damn right though.

-They grin at each other and take their shots simultaneously, and Skye takes the card.-

Diane: All right, so, my turn, right?

Sparkles: I guess so.

Diane: Right, then!

-She draws a black card.-

Diane: This one's a pick-two. "Blank may pass, but blank will last forever."

-Skye immediately picks her cards and lays them down.-

Florina: That was fast.

Skye: I know what I'm doing.

-The others put down their cards.-

Diane: All right, let's do this. "Getting naked too soon may pass, but bad emotions I don't want will last forever."

Skye: That's called depression, folks.

Sparkles: Arguably trauma.

Diane: Well, damn, you made it dark. Next one!

-She reads it, and cracks a smile.-

Diane: "Menstrual rage may pass, but Jacob's srs face will last forever."

Skye: Jacob's srs face transcends time and space.

Diane: Truly eternal.

-She goes to the next one.-

Diane: Geez, you said the first one was traumatic, this is even worse. "Youtube comments may pass, but child abuse will last forever."

Florina: Holy shit, you weren't kidding.

Diane: Let's, uh, move on. "Consensual sex may pass, but going to fuck yourself will last forever." Masturbation jokes!

Gull: Remind me to use that as an insult. "Going to fuck yourself will last forever."

Diane: It's a good one, but I gotta say, whoever played the "Jacob's srs face" one won my heart.

-Skye smirks-

Skye: I won your heart a long time ago, babe. This isn't anything new.

-She takes the card and downs another shot.-

Diane: As for the loser, that goes to "getting naked too soon".

Florina: Aw, heck.

-She starts filling up her shot glass.-

Skye: My turn!

-She draws the card, and grins-

Skye: All right, guys, you better give me some damn good cards for this one. "What's the gayest?" Spoiler alert, it's me. I'm the gayest.

Diane: Y'all really better step up your game, she out-gays all of us.

Sparkles: Challenge fuckin' accepted, Skye.

-They start putting down cards.-

Skye: All in?

Sparkles: Looks like it.

-She picks up the cards-

Skye: "What's the gayest? Why, the intense homoerotic rivalry between Archie and Maxie, of course!"

Diane: Damn, a good start already.

Skye: I'll say. "What's the gayest? Champion Cynthia."

Gull: Is she really?

Skye: Arceus, I hope so. Gold-blonde-haired goth wearing a black fur coat in the middle of the Alolan summer? No straight woman would be that devoted to aesthetic. Like damn.

Gull: I can't argue with that.

Skye: Flawless logic. Anyway, "what's the gayest? The Ghost Lord."

Florina: ...Is he really gay?

Sparkles: Ever heard the song Rosepoint? It's a bardic song about being in love with his rival, Kaius. Of course he's gay as hell.

Diane: Honestly, iconic.

Skye: Someone needs to write a parody for Archie and Maxie. Anyway, the last one.

-She looks at the last card, and grins.-

Skye: Holy shit, we have a winner. "What's the gayest? You." It's me. I'm officially the gayest. That's me.

-Diane smirks-

Diane: Who do you think played that card?

Skye: ...Diane I love you so much.

-She grabs Diane's shirt and pulls her into a big, passionate kiss right in front of everyone else.-

Gull: Gayyyyyyyyyyy.

Sparkles: Yeah, that proves it. You've got me beat in gayness.

-Skye pulls away.-

Diane: ...Please always kiss me like that holy shit

Skye: Gladly. Now take your fucking shot while I decide which one of these is the loser.

-Diane snaps back into reality and starts pouring her shot while Skye mulls over the other cards.-

Skye: Arceus, these are all such great cards. I hate to say, as much as I admire her, Cynthia's the losing card.

Florina: Aww. At least it was close.

-She pours her own shot.-

[Spectrum was here!]