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--V.S.
WAAPT@tropi.us Legacy → WAAPT: In-Universe → Herbert40k's Wrap-Up Thread
Lyuri's jaw drops, she seemed to be in complete shock.
"... Were you trying to commit SUICIDE?!" said Lyuri, still being unable to believe it.
"What?!"
Duke rushed into the bathroom to see the very same scene, and he looked just as shocked, if not more.
-Lucius, still pale from lack of sleep and blood loss, has the good grace to look ashamed of himself as he stares forlornly at the opposite wall.-
Lucius: I... all I wanted to do was forget... leave all the painful memories behind, just like she can... just like you can...
"What the fuck are you talking about?! Ah, whatever! We need to get you to an hospital ASAP!" said Lyuri, panicking
"How... How did all this happen...?" said Duke, shocked.
-Lyuri's panic barely seems to faze Lucius, though that might have something to do with the fact that he's still rather out of sorts. Instead, he answers Duke.-
Lucius: She... she told me that I'm the only person who can't overcome their traumas. That you and everybody else affected has long since recovered, whilst I'm still broken, still haunted by memories from the past... as if being unable to move on after what I endured is my fault. She said you can all just forget about what you did and carry on with your lives like nothing ever happened, but I've been stuck in the past... left behind. So I... I tried to make myself forget. Make all the lingering pain go away at last...
"Who are you talking about?!" asked Lyuri.
Duke seemed to be unable to come up with anything else to say.
Lucius: Your sister, of course... who else? She's an empath, and she knows you two better than anybody... including me...
"Sis?!" said Lyuri, stunned, it takes a few seconds for her to react, that being by giving a sigh "... Duke, go get some help for him, I want to talk to him in private."
"U-Uh... Right..."
Duke then leaves the room, it was easy to see the worry coming from him as he left. Lyuri then sat on the ground, being careful to not sit on top of any glass shards.
"... What makes you think that I just forgot everything that happened? That everything is sunshine and rainbows now?" she said, looking more composed and serious now.
-Lucius stares at the floor, avoiding Lyuri's gaze.-
Lucius: ...It's true, isn't it? You and Duke are happy now... you don't have any problems, any worries, any fears. You're not visited by nightmares every time you go to sleep or consumed by an urge for revenge capable of destroying rational thought... you recovered. You moved on. We both went through our own brand of hell, but whilst I came away from it changed forever, you were back to your old self in months... you had the strength to move on, whilst I was too weak to heal the scars. Just like she said...
"I doubt Sakura would say anything like that to you, you probably just twisted everything she said to be like that. But you're wrong." Lyuri looks down "... Every single time I see you going through depression, or something goes wrong with you, I always think it's MY fault that you're like that even if I wasn't involved. Before Orre... You seemed to be fine, troubled, but you were dealing with some heavy stuff already, you and Duke were getting along well and you were pretty much Duke's main friend while he was getting used to his human form... But I ruined everything for both of you. Now look at you, you're trying to commit suicide because of the memories from Orre. Even if it wasn't me you tempted you into it, it's still MY fault that you were brought to this point in the first place! If I just hadn't ever met you, then maybe you would at least be living a little better! Nothing like what we went through back then would've happened! Every single bad thing that happened... It's all my fault."
-Lucius closes his eyes, looking guilty.-
Lucius: I... I never said anything like that...
"What does it matter if you said or not?! It doesn't change anything! I was always a jerk to you, picking on you and even injuring you at points, all the while Duke actually treated you properly. Then when he gets in trouble and I try to do something about it, I just end up being held hostage just as much as him and end up not only nearly killing you, but also breaking your friendship with Duke just because I was an idiot!" her voice seems to break at that last part and it's possible to see that she's actually crying "I... I can't just forget any of this. It was by far the worst part of my whole life, how can I just forget it like you said I did?! Everything that happened to you since then, be it this mess, whatever happened that made you live here with Duke, you fear of Duke... It all links back to me. I was responsible for leaving you like that. It's all my fault..."
-Lyuri's outburst seems to snap Lucius out of his stupor, and for a few moments he is unsure of how to respond. Eventually, he manages to answer her, his voice wavering as he does.-
Lucius: ...No... no, it's not. This... I did this. It was my decision... it was stupid and hurtful of me, I know that now, but it was still something I chose to do myself. I don't blame you, or Sakura, or anybody else... she might've been wrong about you, but it's my own fault for not realising that...
"It's a decision you made because of what I did to you back then. It doesn't change anything. It's still my fault you even considered trying something like this."
Lucius: That was Allen's fault, not yours... it was his actions that made me contemplate this in the first place. Even then, the thought never seriously crossed my mind, until Sakura reminded me that I'll never recover whilst she already has...
"Of course she recovered. She didn't go through any of the things we did. She just got dragged into everything and fought her way out. No matter what Allen did, if I hadn't gone right into his trap, then things wouldn't have gone so badly." Lyuri sighs.
-Lucius bows his head.-
Lucius: ...I'm sorry, Lyuri. Sorry about everything you were forced to endure because of the way I treated you, sorry about making idiotic assumptions, sorry about making you see me like this again...
"I'm sorry for always being a jerk to you and for causing you this much suffering." she then looks back at him "The only reason me and Duke are doing fine is because we have each other to support. We trust each other and we try to enjoy the lighter parts of life. We want to give you this same kind of support but... Well... You're still afraid of Duke, for starters."
Lucius: ...And it looks like I always will be...
-He sighs.-
Lucius: I don't know what to do now... there's nobody I can bring myself to truly trust anymore, not even Sarah...
"I can't change you, Lucius. The only thing preventing you from trusting Duke again is yourself, and that's a battle you have to win yourself. I can't do anything for you other than give support."
Lucius: ...That's what it all comes down to, isn't it? I'm the one who can't overcome his own traumas, the one who can't bring himself to forget everything he suffered through... Sakura was right. It's not your fault. It's mine.
-He pulls his legs up until his face is hidden behind his knees.-
Lucius: You should just go. At least until Duke gets back. There's nothing you can do to help me...
"Lucius. You've had it way worse than any of us. Your father was a criminal and that by itself left a few emotional scars, then Orre happened and just opened a whole new can of problems. Me... I've had to deal with the thought that my whole family was dead, but since I found Sakura again, I've been feeling much better about that issue. Duke never had any problems before. We're not blaming you for not being able to overcome everything, because you have much more stuff to overcome than we did."
-Lucius looks thoughtful.-
Lucius: I... maybe you're right. But if my traumas are really so severe that they're making the road to recovery even longer and harder than it already was... is there really any point in trying to get there in the first place?
"Depends of how much effort you're willing to make in order to recover. Letting yourself be defeated by your traumas and live in misery, wouldn't that be letting Allen win?"
Lucius: ...Yeah. Yeah, it would. But I can't go out of my way to hunt him down, for fear of letting myself sink to his level... no matter what I do, he's already won. Whatever he wanted, he got it...
-He looks down at his hands, his knuckles still bloodied from his earlier fit of anger.-
Lucius: It makes me wonder whether I should just give up. Shuffle quietly off this mortal coil and leave the job of dealing with people like him to those with stronger wills than mine...
"You can't let what Allen did hold you back, but that doesn't mean you should hunt him down. You have to enjoy the quieter and more peaceful days while they last and when an opportunity comes, go after him. The reason you're like that is because you keep giving yourself responsabilities that you don't need, stop and relax for some time and you'll see just how much better you're going to do things later."
WAAPT@tropi.us Legacy → WAAPT: In-Universe → Herbert40k's Wrap-Up Thread
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